I'm Afraid It's Not Working Out
‘I’m afraid it’s not working out. We’re terminating your employment.’
I heard those words for the first time in my life last June.
Ouch.
How does it feel when, quite out of the blue, your working life simply stops?
For me, I felt unwanted, worthless, ashamed and very angry. I felt like I had been rejected and that my career path had been ripped apart – the future I’d pictured for myself had been taken away. It didn’t help that I was a single parent of two children with a mortgage, bills and no savings. This was an awful situation - I wanted to feel sorry for myself and to have the whole world feel sorry for me. I gave myself permission to wallow.
Turns out that wallowing is actually quite hard work and made me feel worse. And sympathy didn’t make me feel any better.
Initially job hunting was hard. I liken the situation to be unexpectedly dumped by the love of your life and having to go out and find a new boyfriend the very next day. I didn’t really know it but all the negative feelings about what had happened to me were leaking out all over the place and potential employers were picking up on this and it was turning them off.
It took me 4 months to get my next job - something I hadn’t anticipated. A bit like lockdown really. I thought unemployment would last a couple of weeks, four at the most, and I’d be wishing I had the time off over again.
In the end I got a job and I want to share with you what I did to keep going.
1) I took time out to really understand myself and what energises me. I discovered my career drivers and values and from there I worked out what really mattered to me in my work – and in my life. What an eye-opener this was! It also meant my job hunting had more of a focus.
2) I told myself that my next job was just my next job –it didn’t have to be my forever job. I let go of the voice that told me under no circumstances should I veer away from my career path because, well, I should be on that path. This took away a whole heap of pressure and gave me time to really consider what my longer-term move would be.
3) I let go of trying to control my future. Of course, I had to be careful with money but I took opportunities I wouldn’t have taken before because I had the time to and nothing to lose. I relaxed into job hunting and stopped looking so desperate.
Essentially I focused on the inner work. On the mindset shifts I wanted to make so that I could be as positive and motivated as possible during that time.
The result? I learned:
· You need time to get over what ever has happened to you so you can approach job hunting with a positive energy.
· Being out of work can be OK. Most of us don’t often get the opportunity to really stop and think about whether our current working life is really working for us – the is gift of time could be priceless for shaping your future.
· I didn’t have to have THE answer. I needed to work to earn money and that was OK. I didn’t have to have my whole future mapped out. I’m now getting the chance to work on my longer-term plan whilst being in a job but without my period of unemployment I wouldn’t have that longer-term plan.
In the end I got a job. I have so much more I want to learn, so many areas for personal growth I’m excited about and a very different appreciation for things.
But the best results?
I started learning about the power of choice - I didn’t choose to be unemployed but I did choose not to succumb to self-pity, fear and anger (although that last one took some work if I’m honest).
I began trusting that things would be OK if I let go of how I thought they should look. I even started meditating and writing – turns out, I love these things!
I got to know myself and it’s harder to do this when you’re on the go for someone else 8/9 hours a day and your task list is your world. This knowledge has led to more positive changes in my life than a job ever could.
A job loss is never easy but it is an opportunity to re-think, reshape and re-ignite. And that’s kinda exciting.